Friday, 21 January 2005

What qualifies you to be an IT recruitment agent?

If I had a pound for every time an IT recruitment agent has wasted my time, I'd have enough money to afford a deposit on a small flat in Surrey. These guys are complete f***tards. They're basically sales people with f***-all knowledge about what they're selling. Sales people are usually scum but these guys could teach the average sales person a thing or two about slime.

I'm not happy with my job so I'm looking for work. Like most IT people, I have to register with free job-search sites - which means I'll get every cowboy and his clue-less cousin ringing me up at work on my mobile and spamming my inbox.

The junk email I can cope with because I have a separate account just for that and when this is all over and I'm happily employed elsewhere I will ditch my mobile number and get a new one (with the added incentive that I'll avoid being rung up my project manager - who thinks my mobile is his own personal technical support line). What irritates the crap out of me is the time-wasting phone calls.

After I've left my open-plan office to find somewhere private to talk, I usually find the agent wants to sell me the job for about 15 minutes while i patiently wait for them to let me have a word in edge-ways. My questions then are usually: where is it, what does it pay and what are the entry requirements? I swear 90% of the time the agent hasn't even considered that these are things that are the most important aspects of any job! They're too bussy trying to make a sale rather than find a match. Half the time they'll either not know the answer to my questions -but they'll lie and pretend they do!- the other half they'll know it but lie to make it sound more attractive - anything just to get you to agree to let yout CV join the cannon-fodder pile to make it look like they've been productive.

A while ago, when I still had patience for these people, I gave one of them a 'free computer lesson' because he didn't know s*** about the skills the company he was recruiting for was after. All he knew was 'they want Java'. They want Java? What kind? Embedded, Standard, Enterprise, what? This guy didn't know the difference between C++, Java and Perl. I don't expect the average person on the street to know that but when agencies hire IT recruiters they should at least make sure they have a clue!

These agents earn upwards of 30k - not counting commission - that's more than most coders! Companies pay agencies huge fees for these cretins to find their staff. I think it's time agents picked up a book, learnt some s***, earned their salaries and stopped wasting everybody's time!

I'm never getting out of here alive.

UPDATE: Update: got an email from a recruiter this morning, just asking me to SIGN and POST (not just email) a 4 page terms and conditions CONTRACT between them and me! Needless to say, I told them where they could stick their contract.