Wednesday, 8 December 2004

Mein Dating Service

Remember the good old days of W.W. II when us Europeans were fighting for our very lives, when you actually had to encourage the Yanks to come to war rather than holding them back and Hitler was trying to create his master race of blond-haired, blue-eyed Arians? Well now the American right wing are joining where Hitler left off!

ConservativeMatch.com is a dating site exclusively for the right wing that lets bible-bashing gun-toting rednecks find their perfect match (with an aim to creating the master race). You'll notice of course that it doesn't have a box that lets people look for same-sex relationships, because good conservatives don't go in for all that immoral homosexual non-sense do they? It does however let anyone search for 18 year old schoolgirls called Britney (regardless of your age), so i guess that's ok then. Here's a few examples:

"Well, I grew up with two Republican parents, but I'd like to think I came to my conservative views myself. I live in what I would argue to be the second most liberal city in the country, yet my convictions still hold strong, if not stronger." Tiffany, Mukilteo, WA.

Wow, you sound like a barrel of fun Tiff.

"Well, I'm a God-fearing child, a faithful friend, always smiles even if there's a problem, I'm a choir in our church, an obedient daughter..." 'Love' Cagayan de Oro, PHL.

Did somebody say 'behaviour modifying chip in head'? 'Must think good thoughts... MUST think good thoughts... keep smiling!'

"I am currently a student in... gynaecology because that is my passion... it seems like all I've met here are men incapable of standing firm in an argument." Laura, Fall City, WA

I imagine its hard for a man to argue when you're holding his testicles, but i expect he'd be firm. Maybe this is my match though; Gynaecology is one of my favourite things, more of a hobby than a profession though, strictly speaking.

"I'm an animal lover (especially with dogs, dolphins, and horses)" Tina, Cleveland, Oh.

Eww, is that legal? Maybe in 'Oh'-land.

Anyway... that's not all, you also get access to pro-right propaganda, like: 'Why Liberals STILL Don't Get It'. I particularly like the way the writer 'Ron Marr' (never heard of him) describes Michael Moore as a 'traitorous pig' but fails to explain why and claims that democratic voters consisted entirely of upper class city snobs! He fails to back this ridiculous claim up with any kind of evidence of course; How could he because its completely ridiculous? Each state voted almost 50:50, give or take, so by Ron's logic then, 50% of each state consists of your rich lay-about liberals, while the rest are your working class heroes (and Gynaecologists presumably fall into that category)? Are you telling me that in Texas and Florida 50% of the population are your 'ruling class' elite? Movie producers, lawyers, politicians, oil barons, models, actors and so on? Get f***ing real!

His drivel continues: 'the radical Muslims attacked us...not vice versa'; Yes, they did, not the Iraqis. None of the attackers came from Iraq. The problem is that Ron is too dumb to realise that the world isn't just split into America, her allies and 'Muslim country'. Just because a hand-full of terrorists from one mostly-muslim country attacks on your soil, it doesn't give you the right to lay siege to an totally different country! An entire country! Hell, it doesn't even really give you the right to lay siege to the country they came from!

So how about we start our own 'master race' program and neuter all the dumb people? The quickest way of doing this is to give dumb people a running-kick square in the balls. Lets start with Ron Marr.