Monday, 25 October 2004

My Top Ten

So... today I realised that I've been thoroughly pissed off about everything for about the last 5 years or so... give or take.


Here's a short list of my all-time top ten things that piss me off and increase the likelihood of me going postal sometime in the near future:

Voyeur Reality / Metro-sexual 'comedy'/ fashion/ Decorating TV shows
God there's so much trash on TV these days.

Mothers Against Everything
Or angry pro-censorship right wing 'think of the children' nuts. They even banned 'Punch and Judy' (*) on the sea front in some town down here recently. Personally, I hated that show when I was a kid, but come on, seriously. Where does it end?

People who stand me up for no good reason
Its 5 to 8, I've just stepped out my door and the taxi is waiting and my friend calls to say they can't meet up tonight, because they're tired. Way to go, nothing like leaving it to the last minute is there? Or better yet, I agree to meet up with this girl for drinks one evening, and she reschedules it to be an hour earlier, giving me about 30 mins to get ready, and leg-it across town to the bar. We meet and she tells me that she's got alternative plans for the evening, so she can only fit me in for an hour. F***ing bitch! Thanks for that, I kept my evening free for you and you trade me off against a f***ing Bar-B-Q?!


Cleaning up other peoples mess
Some of the work I've inherited over the past 6 years has been utter crap. My philosophy is 'do it how you'd like others to do it' (i.e. comment code, document it, explain it etc). The attitude of the contractors we employ seems to be just this: 'scorched earth'; Make it impossible for any party to follow your footsteps, leave no clues. Half the time, the software is full of bugs and doesn't even do what it was supposed to. Yet we keep hiring these people?

The Government
Our British Government. Bunch of overpaid, under-worked, hypocritical a**holes. Education is a mess, the Health service is still a mess, Transport is completely f***ed, we're spending millions on supporting America's war on terror when we should be spending it on pensions, health, education, transport, etc. All the parties are crap, nobody represents my views, all I can do is vote for my next dictator and hope they handle things better than Tony, the grinning t***.

BMW drivers
What are indicators for anyway? Also, all the other idiots who think they own the whole road. You know, the kind of a**hole who'll drive right up your backside while you're doing 40 mph on a winding country lane, then get irritated and overtake you, narrowly missing the oncoming traffic and then cutting you up and nearly causing you to crash into the back of them. Boy racers brown noising and crashing into everything, Old people doing 30 in a 50 and idiot girls using the mirrors for adjusting their makeup rather than for checking for traffic before a maneuver also fall into this category.

'I like you but I'm off to Greece in three months and I intend to live there forever'
'I just wanted to steal your female friends from you and actually I'm going to live in South America for 6 months'
'You must worship the colour yellow and not step on three consecutive manhole covers in a row' (oh I wish I was making that s*** up).
'Lets be friends'
I don't know why, but I attract two kinds of women: the crazy and the migratory. Dating sucks.

My Job
When I'm not rushing around like a blue-arsed fly dealing with angry customers and support people, I'm sat on my numb ass doing nothing in between inane tasks like 'write a little stored procedure to shove this data from here to here', wow, how interesting. The only thing my job challenges is my ever-dwindling patience.

Managerial Bullshit Merchants
'The company can't afford to give you all pay rises this year, but we will be paying the expenses of our 9-5 pen-pushers in London to go out to lunch, dinner and evening parties and get pissed on Champaign and do lines of crack off hookers asses, oh and pay for my BMW, naturally'.

(*) For our American friends: Punch and Judy is a show about Ulrika Johnsen's previous marriage.