Thursday, 28 October 2004

Crap Towns

useful tool for getting reviews of towns, at least to know which ones to avoid. I think the review of Aldershot is spot-on. I spent over a year in that place and I'm just glad to have got out alive.

For example: there's a well-known pub with a big gash in the bar where a drug-related chainsaw attack apparently took place.

Can't say I miss renting that room in that house with no door on the toilet or my room that also had scruffy little dogs that shat on the kitchen floor. Ah, those early (penniless) graduation years.

Have Some Fluff

To balance out the ranting.

Ah, thats better...

Suprisingly calming, good for when work gets you down.

Pure Class.

Many thanks to shiftCLick on b3ta for finding this awsome clip: (video/quicktime Object)

Now how many other world leaders flip you off, on camera?

Tuesday, 26 October 2004

Windows v Linux security: the real facts | The Register

Windows v Linux security: the real facts | The Register.

Microsoft has made a lot of b******* claims agsint Linux, but here are the facts. See for yourself.

Monday, 25 October 2004

My Top Ten

So... today I realised that I've been thoroughly pissed off about everything for about the last 5 years or so... give or take.


Here's a short list of my all-time top ten things that piss me off and increase the likelihood of me going postal sometime in the near future:

Voyeur Reality / Metro-sexual 'comedy'/ fashion/ Decorating TV shows
God there's so much trash on TV these days.

Mothers Against Everything
Or angry pro-censorship right wing 'think of the children' nuts. They even banned 'Punch and Judy' (*) on the sea front in some town down here recently. Personally, I hated that show when I was a kid, but come on, seriously. Where does it end?

People who stand me up for no good reason
Its 5 to 8, I've just stepped out my door and the taxi is waiting and my friend calls to say they can't meet up tonight, because they're tired. Way to go, nothing like leaving it to the last minute is there? Or better yet, I agree to meet up with this girl for drinks one evening, and she reschedules it to be an hour earlier, giving me about 30 mins to get ready, and leg-it across town to the bar. We meet and she tells me that she's got alternative plans for the evening, so she can only fit me in for an hour. F***ing bitch! Thanks for that, I kept my evening free for you and you trade me off against a f***ing Bar-B-Q?!


Cleaning up other peoples mess
Some of the work I've inherited over the past 6 years has been utter crap. My philosophy is 'do it how you'd like others to do it' (i.e. comment code, document it, explain it etc). The attitude of the contractors we employ seems to be just this: 'scorched earth'; Make it impossible for any party to follow your footsteps, leave no clues. Half the time, the software is full of bugs and doesn't even do what it was supposed to. Yet we keep hiring these people?

The Government
Our British Government. Bunch of overpaid, under-worked, hypocritical a**holes. Education is a mess, the Health service is still a mess, Transport is completely f***ed, we're spending millions on supporting America's war on terror when we should be spending it on pensions, health, education, transport, etc. All the parties are crap, nobody represents my views, all I can do is vote for my next dictator and hope they handle things better than Tony, the grinning t***.

BMW drivers
What are indicators for anyway? Also, all the other idiots who think they own the whole road. You know, the kind of a**hole who'll drive right up your backside while you're doing 40 mph on a winding country lane, then get irritated and overtake you, narrowly missing the oncoming traffic and then cutting you up and nearly causing you to crash into the back of them. Boy racers brown noising and crashing into everything, Old people doing 30 in a 50 and idiot girls using the mirrors for adjusting their makeup rather than for checking for traffic before a maneuver also fall into this category.

'I like you but I'm off to Greece in three months and I intend to live there forever'
'I just wanted to steal your female friends from you and actually I'm going to live in South America for 6 months'
'You must worship the colour yellow and not step on three consecutive manhole covers in a row' (oh I wish I was making that s*** up).
'Lets be friends'
I don't know why, but I attract two kinds of women: the crazy and the migratory. Dating sucks.

My Job
When I'm not rushing around like a blue-arsed fly dealing with angry customers and support people, I'm sat on my numb ass doing nothing in between inane tasks like 'write a little stored procedure to shove this data from here to here', wow, how interesting. The only thing my job challenges is my ever-dwindling patience.

Managerial Bullshit Merchants
'The company can't afford to give you all pay rises this year, but we will be paying the expenses of our 9-5 pen-pushers in London to go out to lunch, dinner and evening parties and get pissed on Champaign and do lines of crack off hookers asses, oh and pay for my BMW, naturally'.

(*) For our American friends: Punch and Judy is a show about Ulrika Johnsen's previous marriage.

The Most Sickening Propoganda

Ashley's Story (Found this via b3ta).

I just want to say 'Bllllllrggggggguuuururrrggghhhhh... nnnnrrrghhh'...ah that's better /wipes away last stray vomit from lips.

Holy crap. Can you get ANY f***ing lower than that? Using the tragic loss of one child as propoganda for you election campaign. I thought I'd seen sickening propaganda before, but this sets a whole new low.

F***ing increadible.

EDIT: Dick Cheaney's ALIVE! This one's pretty funny.

Saturday, 23 October 2004

Who the hell keeps casting Vinny Jones?

Most people that know me know I have this thing about VJ. I just can't stand the anoying chav. So here's a rant dedicated to the king of 'acting hard'.

I considered linking to a picture of Vinny Jones here but trust me, nobody needs to see that ugly mug. Instead, for those of you (lucky people) who don't know who he is, go see Eurotrip. Its trashy, tacky and pretty much what you'd expect, but it made me laugh anyway and at least you get to see Michelle Trachtenberg in a bikini... nice!

Anyway... what ruins this movie and every single f***ing movie he appears in is that mongoloid w***er Vinny Jones (as the over-irritating British football hooligan),
once again playing the part of himself. Vinny Jones doesn't have any acting talent, at all. I mean none. Whenever he pops up like a cancer on a film he's playing himself, over and over and the same f***ing annoying over-the-top way, constantly trying to assert his manliness and let us all know how super hard he is. I'm guessing he needs to tell everyone how hard he is all the time because really he's a closet cross-dresser. Just my opinion but anyone that finds it necessary to make the world think their hard all the time and is so utterly obsessed with doing so, probably has some serious childhood issues with his mother, if you know what I mean.

Personally, I'd like to kick him square in the balls whilst wearing steal-toe-capped boots - after taking a long run-up. It would be the least he deserves for forcing me to see his ugly face in so many films and adverts.

Stop.... whaCk!.... appearing.... whACK!.... in..... wHACK!.... films... WHACK!

You're on my list f***er.

UPDATE: I knew I'd find you here.

Vinnie was voted 64.38% anoying in 2004. Cast your vote for 2005 here.

Friday, 22 October 2004

This made me laugh too.

Got to wonder how much the government spent on that stupid leaflet which serves no point at all (other than maybe to scare us into voting for them, like Bush is trying to do). I wonder what the NHS or the education system could have done with that money?

The UK Independence Party

The UK Independence Party (spoof)

AHHAHAHAHA.... I f***ing love this!

According to B3ta:

Tony Bennett, Research Assistant to Robert
Kilroy-Silk writes:

"I represent Mr Kilroy-Silk and the U.K.
Independence Party. You are advised that your
site will be reported to the Police and we are
currently taking the advice of a libel barrister
as to its contents. I am a Solicitor as well as
a research assistant.

"You may wish to consider removing the site

The Police? Aw get a f***ing life!

Well, as my Grandma allways used to say 'F*** 'em if they can't take a joke' (Kevin Smith)

God I hate Kilroy. Racist, zeonophobic grinning know-it-all.

Thursday, 21 October 2004

Gulf War III

BBC: Iran to hear final nuclear offer

So, looks like we'll be invading Iran next! Bush could probably get away with this because most Americans don't know the difference between Iran and Iraq anyway and get the names confused.

I can see what Iran is trying to do, they're trying to arm themselves sufficiently to defend against the kind of invasion that happened in Iraq (i.e. next door to them). I mean, if the USA can invade any country they feel like these days with any old lame excuse, then if I were them, I'd be worried too. Look at other countries like China and North Korea (and others on the 'Axis of evil' list), You know that there's no way the USA would go anywhere near those countries, because that would just be suicide. They have Nukes and WMDS. We have WMDS, that's what keeps us and them safe from invasion, the threat of retaliation. Can you really blame Iran for wanting that capability, that security? We see them as the big evil, they see us as the big evil and so the psychotic dance continues....

So maybe we should just sell them some nukes?

Then we'd know for sure they had them, we could save millions on the cost of failed weapons inspections and the subsequent mass-invasion. Think about all the lives (coalition troops and innocent Iranian civilians) that would be saved. That would remove the threat of invasion for Iran and make them feel safer and might make them feel less hostile towards the west too. For them it would be one hell of a Xmas present. Nobody shoots at Santa Clause.

Also, it would be sending a positive message to all Muslims out there who are so permanently p***ed off at how we support Israel and arm them with weapons all the time. It would help to build some bridges and maybe dissuade a few more Muslims from becoming terrorists.

Ok, Israel would have kittens when they found out, so what? They have nukes too. There's just no way that Iran would ever use them because they know for sure that the USA, UK, Israel and various others would nuke them right back (and have the perfect justification for doing so)!

What's the alternative? Threaten, investigate, invade? Just like Iraq... and didn't that work out well!

Friday, 15 October 2004

Sign the petition against software patents

Software should be protected by copywrite, not patent laws! Patenting methods in software development can be a lot like patenting the cog or even the wheel, in short, a f***ing stupid idea! Its unjustified and a serious hindrance to us developers who are just trying to get our job done.

Patent laws came into existence for protecting inventions (physical devices) not ideas! Ideas are too broad a thing to cover. This article explains it better (see the 'mousetrap analogy').

Yet another example of legislative crap the USA legal system (or rather the big greedy corporations that control it) is trying to force down our European necks is the enforcement of software patents created in the USA, in Europe. Stop them! Show them they don't own the whole world and sign the petition now!

Gay Bar!

This is a bit special.

Love the way Bush seems to be wording 'lets start a war'. Fantastic.

Friday, 8 October 2004

Do any kids still speak English?

Browse through any blogger-type site and you'll find hundred of pages of drivel written by teenagers, much of which will follow the same pattern as this fine example:

"hmm 1week le... nvr update blog... hmmm exam already wahz... so fast... hmmm yesterdae mornin needa take 2 exam paper...wAhz strEss... hmmm...den after tat ... hmmm actually wanna go eat lunch wif thongEe dey all de but i already ask darl wait 4 me at e porch dere le so cannot go eat lunch wif dem...hmmm... " goes on and on like that. Ignore the fact the these logs are full of stories about what they had for lunch, or the fact that they've run out of 'sunny D' in the fridge. I'm horrified by the abuse of the English language. Does anyone learn grammar anymore, or spelling? Now, I know I can't spell and my grammar probably sucks but I was raised to take pride in our language and do your best to write good clean English, because otherwise you just sound like kind of a dick.

Why the hell is everyone writing everything in 'sms' all the time?

c u l8r muva fkr

The next person that writes something like that to me in an email, gets shot.

and..... what's ....with ...all ....the ....pauses?

I think the mighty Maddox puts it best when he says 'Wireless internet may very well destroy our chances of contacting intelligent life.' Damn straight. Its more likely to make them want to come over with a load of battleships and wipe out the human race, simply for being too god-damn anoying! Personally, I think we'd deserve it.

keep 'em fearin'

bull**** in fast foward.

Culture Of Denial

We're sorry, our bad. Seems like our intelligence was complete bull****. Yeah, right, blame it on MI6, even though Tony Blair told them what to say in the report and how to say it.

How come its the Trade and Industry Secretary appologising first, how about a proper apology from the big man himself? Otherwise, it really doesn't seem like a proper apology to me, more like the wishful thinking of one minister. I doubt very much that Tony is sorry, I bet in his big fat head he's still thinking 'well, I did it for the good of the people, you can't always be popular and do the right thing'. Ahhhg. We need more frequent elections!

Why is it these days that we have a culture of denial, where nobody is ever willing to be held accountable, even when there is irrefutable evidence? Why is it that when they finally do apologise, its indirect? You get a letter or some secretary tells you.

Its the same with companies and I see it all the time. Something goes wrong at work, I get yelled at down the phone from the support monkeys, (usually Friday at around 5pm is when they like to log a problem with me, especially ones that have been going on for days). I then spend hours looking into it, checking all the systems and find out that the problem lies at their end. I hear a few days later that they've finally accepted that but I never get any kind of apology from anyone, ever. These idiots will do all sorts of things, like changing network card settings and assigning multiple computers the same IP address, and yet the first thing they blame when there's a fault is the software.

Shove your apology... Sideways.

Thursday, 7 October 2004

Good or Evil?

This site is certified 27% EVIL by the Gematriculator

...can't help feeling a little dissapointed actually.

This site is certified 48% EVIL by the Gematriculator
Yeahhhh alright! Thats more like it, lets see how high I can get it.

Tuesday, 5 October 2004

Peasant Scum

Oh, I f***ing hate Chavs.

I hate 'em, I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!
Sqwar in the nuuuts!

Worthless designer T-shirt'-wearing goldchain coverting scum, driving around town at twice the speed limit while using their mobile and pumping out the brown noise from their stupid cheap crappy cars which they've spent all of their Mum's dole money on and drilled holes in the engine and exhaust so it makes even more noise in the hope that people will think they've really got some super 'monster truck' engine under there instead of the 10cc 2hp smelly piece of crap that they bought second hand of their mate 'Dez'. Ahhhgggg! Listen you stupid, uneducated fools, nobody gives a f*** about the engine in your crappy rust-bucket car, get some motor insurance, learn to drive, read a f***ing book and get a job!

I resent that my taxes pay for these f***ers dole money.

Rumsfeld questions Saddam-Bin Laden link

Well there you go...

No Saddam-Bin Laden link the words of the great war-chief himself.

So lets sum the war effort up so far:

* Before the war, anyone in Iraq who spoke out against Saddam would be tortured and killed. Now people are killed indescriminantly and those supporting Sadam that are captured alive are tortuered by dumb red-necks on prison gaurd duty in 'detainment centers' (which isn't the same thing as 'concentration camps', oh no), but at least its only a 'small minority'.
* Saddam was a very nasty man (who the USA put there in the first place, BTW). Now the people have a much nicer unelected political puppet to control them.
* Ok, Saddam wasn't the only evil dictator in the world, arguably he's a B-list dictator, but hey, you have to start somewhere, right W? I meen those South African dictators don't have any oil, do they?
* Incidentally.... Iraq has a shed-load of oil!
* After we've 'installed democracy' in Iraq, everyone can buy Maccy D's and Starbuck's coffee and wear Nike trainers.

* No WMDs found
* No indications of an on-going WMD programme
* No links to terrorists found
* Iraq is now less stable and even more dangerous than it was under Saddam (more civilians and soldiers dying).
* We have alienated the populace against us.
* Nobdy trusts America or the UK anymore and we have dragged our good name through the mud.

Who's going to free us from our dicatorial regiem? That what I want to know.

Terrorise this!

Friday, 1 October 2004

A strong argument

"No John Kerry"


... why exactly? What's your friggin' point?

Seriously, nobody here in the UK can figure out why the hell anyone would vote for Bush. The guys a complete f***ing moron, there's just no justification for it. So what if you're a republican by birth, you don't have to vote for him, that's would be like Germans in WWII saying 'well I'm German, so I support Hitler and everything he does'. The Nazi's where big on 'homeland security' as well you know.

A plank of wood would be better than Bush for president and probably more useful. I mean, you could nail it to the wall and use it as a shelf for all those bottles of Jack Daniels Bush likes to keep handy in the Whitehouse, whereas Bush himself is no f***ing use to anyone. Well, that's not quite true, I'm sure the big oil corporations find him to be a useful little puppet every now and then.

Why is this such a difficult choice for you guys?

I try and keep an open mind about most people, but this is one dumb-ass I just can't tolerate.

Seriously, you guys better get your fat ass off that couch and vote that dick out of office, or the world is totally f***ed.

God help us all..... !